Emotions and behavior common to seniors
While not all young adults behave the same, we present these general observations about senior students. These overviews are based on interviews with parents around the country who have recently experienced their student’s senior year.

Common senior behavior
You may see some changes in how your senior acts around you and their friends. Here are some general behaviors to look for:

Seniors…

• Want to spend more time with their friends.
• Realize that everything is “the last time”.
• Fear that their friendships may be coming to an end as they make plans for after high school and everyone is going in different directions.
• Crave more independence and try to break away from parental authority.
• Think, “Parents are dumb - they don’t know anything.” They turn to their friends for advice more than their parents.
• Others may seem more mature and may actually enjoy their parent’s company.
• May be apprehensive about the future. After 18 years, they have some big decisions to make and are not going to have their parents to take care of them.
  

Challenging parental authority
It’s common for seniors to want to separate from their parents. Common expressions from the student include: “You can’t tell me what to do anymore,” “I don’t have to listen to you now that I am 18.” It’s a year to “push the envelope,” “challenge parental authority,” and “test the waters.”

While all families handle family rules differently, try not to make it a struggle of wills. Realize that this is a natural event and the more parents resist, the more difficult it can become. Punishments and withholding of privileges may not work as well as they used to.

Many parents experience mixed emotions about this phenomenon. They question their role and struggle to keep connected with their child. Accepting this transition gracefully may improve your relationship. Become an active listener, but avoid telling them what to do. Wait for them to ask your advice. Avoid micro managing their life.

“I really questioned my role as a mother. I struggled with this for several months, but eventually, I understood and accepted that my son did not want to share everything with me anymore. He did not appreciate my advice or feel the need for my approval. I learned to ask him open-ended questions like, ‘tell me about…’ Now I listen to what he wants to share and respect his decisions. He wants me to know, but he doesn’t want me to tell him how to do it.”
Maureen in Los Angeles, California

New ways to cope and communicate
As a parent, senior year can be a difficult time. Parenting and communication techniques that have worked for 18 years, may not work any more. Try not to entrench and struggle with your senior.

Here is some advice from other parents:

• Try to “let go” in as many areas as you feel appropriate. Don’t try to control their lives. A natural separation is going to occur and the more you try to resist it, the more they will pull away. Try to hold back on telling them what to do. As several parents we interviewed said, “This is the time to back off”.
• Let your children fail so they can pick themselves up. They learn better from their own mistakes. They will need this when they are out on their own.
• Help them develop street smarts and confidence to deal with the world outside of your neighborhood. It will help them make better decisions when you’re not there.
• Build trust in them. Test the waters - have faith and believe in them.
• Let them know that you will be there for them. They can come home to visit anytime.
• Be prepared for an emotional roller coaster. It’s common for students’ behavior to become more selfish and disrespectful their senior year. Give them the benefit of the doubt and reward positive behavior.
• Ask open-ended questions. But, don’t ask too many questions. When they want to talk, be ready to drop what you are doing and listen.
• Avoid being judgmental.
• Your student will experience a great deal of pressure. They want to get good grades, earn money, play sports and find meaningful volunteer opportunities.
• Deciding about what to do after high school and the social pressures will be most unsettling. They are going through some very stressful times, so be supportive.
• Help them strengthen their time management skills. There are a lot of critical deadlines and special events that need to be planned for.
• Budget! This will be a very expensive year!

“I found having conversations while we were riding in the car to be very effective. In the car, when we were both looking forward and not at each other, it was easier to talk - not like an interrogation.” – Cynthia in San Francisco, California